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BAE? Big Ass Earthworm???

Jan. 18th, 2015 | 10:42 am
location: megafuck shitlord
mood: unloveable

went out to afterhours party in some jungle shack where we chugged moonshine, and me and my new bestie , who happens to be a trans woman with amazing hookups to some local party favors, hustled some military guy for korean bbq at like 4am. Woke up so out of it that I thought the neighbors were having a brunch siesta whatever get together outside when really it was just the Snooki and Jwoww show on TV running all night god who the fuck cares though


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For mine is a generation that circles the globe in search of something we haven't tried before

Jan. 16th, 2015 | 01:04 pm
music: Orbital- Beached

My father called and told me he believes I should stay on this island forever. I was surprised, I was expecting him to say I was being a big doofus, but he actually supports me and thinks I can be happy here and he offered to help.  It was nice to hear that, even though I'm torn about what I want. Im lucky.

Decided to try to start keeping in touch with a potential.......I dont know. He is an old friend that makes me laugh, hes smart and says "yaaaasss" at cat videos. Kind of a new feeling putting myself out like that but it's just for fun. I dont want anything serious. Felt kind of accomplished initiating the communication?

Went to a beach smoked out, had my first Pina Colada blazed on Hawaiian weed in front a gorgeous view of the ocean. It was nice.  Went to a cute top floor lounge seafood restaurant where I got to draw on the paper tablecloth with crayons and had Tuna prepared about 8 different ways in tapas blazed off my butt.

Exchanged emails with a Tokyo chef who has restaurant in Itabashi, and who also happens to own apartments. I know a Tokyo landlord, I got that hookup!! Very kind man, and I emailed him to stay in touch.

Met a carribean goddess who is getting her Masters and respects a good hustle, and we both reveled in having common fucking sense. Effort and Ambition beats talent every time, its not because the world is unfair, but fortune just follows the bold. I love knowing I have her as a friend here, and I want to visit her in NYC.

Got high again with some new girlfriends????? ate more tuna and then went to town on some cheerios.  Wish they were corn pops or smacks. Im so tired F UU CK. The curry place delivers but it was WAY TOO LATE!!!!

INTENSELY SATISFYING DAY??? IM CONFUSED THO??? I cant believe this is real still. Im waiting for it to hit me.

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hedgehogs dilemma

Jan. 14th, 2015 | 05:28 pm
location: south of Tokyo-3

I think I'm turning into a Rei fan...but I've been on the Asuka hustle for years. How am i going to explain this to family. I dont know if Im ready to be cut off from everything I know, but I don't know how long I can keep pretending like this

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beep beep

Jan. 8th, 2015 | 02:16 am
location: why did i pick the name vanessie
mood: anything would of been cooler
music: even puppymallow

It always weirds me out when people call me a nickname like Ness, Nessa or Nessie. Like, even people who have known me for years... I don't mind it, it can be nice but its like a tiny reminder to me that someone feels comfortable around me to the extent that they can refer to me in a friendly colloquial manner and I'm like...uuuuhhh howw?? Why are you comfortable around me?? This is weird; this is a degree of intimacy I am not sure on how to respond to save yourself friend I think I am really snatcher thats why I have so much sunscreen in my house and then I get shy and stupid about everything

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I am not loving; I am enduring. I am not glowing; I am burning.

Jan. 7th, 2015 | 01:17 am
location: the world weed web
mood: hahaa
music: frogs?????

Vague posting sucks but I just need a moment to tell myself to not be a wimp lord anxiety baby, I need to take chances. I will come out better than when I went in and it will be worth it (sometimes).  I wish I could apply this to relationships but the idea of taking chances on trips, careers, and art sounds infinitely better right now.  I'm taking solitude day by day, but really I just miss a safety net.

About once or twice a year, I tend to look up horoscope stuff. I think its something I do because its some kind of stability or explanation for things when I get bored, anxious or lost.  I caught myself doing it again but I guess this time I really soaked it up. Maybe because aquarius always sounds like a natural loner and it just so happens that I am currently exploring parts of my identity with my new-found alone time. Being on my own feels so much better than being with someone who makes you feel like you are on your own.

Looking back, I really fucked up by not taking care of my friends more. I like to help, I like to take care of things,I love to give or be part of something meaningful. Its weird how easy that comes to me when Im given a chance. I think that is a big reason I turn to zodiac junk sometimes, I like how Aquarius is weird about socialization, but they are still humanatrians.  I have no idea how I wound up with that charitable streak, so I'll take the position of the stars and my birthday as an acceptable answer for now.  I was raised by parents who never taught me a shred of morality nor did they value compassion.  I was just a quiet, sensitive kid that would eventually blossom into a the most dazzling annoying asshole.

silly zodiac platitudesCollapse )

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Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?

Jan. 5th, 2015 | 03:26 am
mood: kinda tipsaaayyy

i thought i could post but now im like naaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh I just wanna ride this one out

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real down to mars girls

Jan. 2nd, 2015 | 02:30 am
location: Richardson

Dallas blows I am ready to bail. Surreal moment realizing that my 16-17 year old self wanted this exact life. Seventeen year old me was ready to break from Houston and come be close to my cyberfriends and a cyberzone. Maybe I would've gotten some dull job as a pharm tech, or maybe somebody would of liked my art and that hustle could of gone somewhere.
Now the cyberzone is gone, the kids are gone, the bright eye ingenue is now just another jane doe and the mall has long been reduced to rubble. I'm left standing in a city I do not feel particularly attached to, but it's still here perhaps just to remind me this place is not a good fit, even if its something I think I want, or need. So much time lost doing nothing, waiting for nothing.

I always felt like the solitude and time I have in this new-found transition space I'm in right now would be somewhat therapeutic. It's actually kind of aggravating. Like I'm patting myself on the back for being selfish and then telling myself it's healthy to settle, even for just a little bit. I'm used to being a little more ambitious than that. Then again, I did get a two year degree in three semesters with a 3.9 gpa. I accomplished more in this meritocracy than my ex and his silver-enema siblings combined after years of being told to ~understand~ that I'm less than them.
Millions of dollars combined with a steady flow of costco wine and somas cant really fix shitty kids I guess.

I am loving the imageuploadson livejournal

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Dec. 31st, 2014 | 01:37 am

  • do more for animals

  • drink hot c c lemon

  • the color red

  • see a beach

  • watch Rick & Morty

  • not fuck up

  • make something. anything. even a macaroni picture.

  • see king baby chubba bubba again

  • have sexy legs

  • visit the Evangelion world exhibit

  • read. or whatever.

  • pay my bill to the Toll Tag people

  • haha fuck

  • its so bad

  • I fucked up!!

  • settle the score once and for all with anime

  • write a letter

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grapefruit and sashimi

Dec. 30th, 2014 | 04:23 am
music: Joe- Stutter (Remix ft. Mystikal)

"It was an arranged marriage, but hey not all arranged marriages end in beheadings"

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here comes the top notch here i be

Dec. 29th, 2014 | 02:49 am
location: cyberfuck
mood: making the booty go
music: the thong song

Eating guacamole and hummus with spoon. Just getting it over with. cut the middle man out.

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