The Toppest Tier~

just a beast trying to earn her horns

the only thing that makes it a part of your life is that you keep thinking about it
So Im sure its been an obscene amount of time since Ive updated? Im guessing Im going on 2 years? nevermind dont tell me DONT TELL ME

Im coming down from some kind of high from THAT episode of Adventure Time that just finished airing. Hooo boy. It fired off a quake of FEELS that shook throughout the fandom. I want to catch up on the episodes but I cant help that a bunch of them just sort of bore me? When its good its really good and the rest are meh. I think knowing that the show has darker secrets behind its seemingly sugary backdrop is what really piques my interest more than the episodes where Finn and Jake have to give a Snail an enema or something... Oh- and Lumpy Space Princess, where would I be without my precious LSP. Love her.

Also got into Gravity Falls. Its great, I love the setting. The characters are cute but Grunkle Stan is my favorite, which surprised me. Must be the whole counterfeit sweatshop thing. Who knows. Although what is up with the character designs? There are characters with 4 fingers, and characters with 5 fingers AND IT DRIVES ME UP THE WALL.

Motorcity. Again, I love it for the setting. The writing is pretty bland and juvenile but I get SERIOUS Battle Angel Alita vibes from the world, Which is RAAAAAAAAD. The colors, Character models, and backgrounds are very well done. Also I must mention Brendon Small provides the very Metal Soundtrack...I would love to watch this show on something just so I can make it through the kiddy time safeness.

I guess thats 3 fandoms I could get into (4, if you count my little pony but I want noting to do with bronys) Ugh, I could use some new fandoms. Last one I got tits deep into was Durarara and to be honest its more merch than canon and I never liked the author's writing style anyways. Im crossing my fingers for a second season, gonna see how it ends when the time comes around and hope for the best.

New fandoms sound pretty good right now, seeing as how I need a major distraction from my social life. Decided to quit facebook and Im sticking to Tumblr and Pinterest and the occasional /co/ thread that is related to my shows. I would love to get in to live streams as my favorite cartoons air but I dont think my old dell is buff enough for it. I know, picking a 4chan board over facebook, great job Vanessa- but I guess that level of obsession is safe in small doses and much better than refreshing a Facebook Feed and being obsessed with other peoples social lives and not even knowing it.

Wompa tweeted to me "Facebook breeds Hostility" and I just snapped recently and decided...yeah it really fucking does. I just went through a rough patch with Logan's friends. They had gossip about me that wasnt true and what set me over the edge was that they spread it knowing they had no proof.

I had friends on facebook that approached me in private that honestly...just managed to piss me off even more with their opinion on crap they didnt even know. I think they were just prying. Looking back, 3 people approached me to pry and I wound up talking about it and then I sat back with regret and just realized...

You know what, it was none of your fucking business.

If I dont tell you, or I dont publish it on some bullshit social media platform. Its none of your business. Because you really dont care, you just think you are entitled to know. If you were a true friend thats one thing but really Im starting to realize how warped the meaning of that is when you have a creation like Facebook blurring the line by making you tune into anybody's personal lives. Maybe theres a mistake I made by airing too much when I thought I was airing enough.

ugh. I dont know when I will be done being fustrated. Maybe Im really easy to piss off, but I havent been on FB for a few days so far and Im doing alright. I dont really want to see my friends and Im doing okay. Theres people that werent always there that I realize are good people. Id rather be growing into new skin than living in an old husk. Theres a School in New Jersey I want to apply to this year and I just finished a workshop that will help me get employed in the screen printing industry. Everything isnt coming up Milhouse, but I have to start somewhere, and that means cutting some ridiculous internet habits and starting new ones that actually engage me more than a status update.

I love u Tumblr!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fate is great!
If you were into girls who are like THAT, then theres no way you would of liked being with me anyways

ダイアモンドだね~ いくつかの場面... うまく言えないけれど 宝物だよ~
tipsy bear
good lord

Full metal alchemists ending was pretty good. WHAT A GOOD FUCKING ENDING. OMFG.

what is givin me all this diarrhea? is it the kimchi or the sushi?
I will get to the bottom of this.

Although, I ate both raw fish and kimchi today.

The saga continues.....

I dont care how cliche or contrived it sounds
tipsy bear
But I really am a filthy Shinjuku kind of gal.

I miss it.

Give your heart and soul, Stay with me this time and we'll make history
grammy MJ
I got a 400 dollar Juicer or some shit. Logans mom was like "WANT ONE??" and I didnt really say yes or no cause it is kind of an extravagant thing, but a few days later the Amazon Delivery Guy came by with a box that was packin a 400 dollar juicer and now its dope. Everything is dope. Now time to hit up some farmer's markets and FIESTAAAA MAAART. I fuckin love Fiesta mart you guys. I wanna do a Juice fast soooo bad. I think you arent supposed to do them for more than like 3 days, but I want to, of course, take it too far and be all crash diet about it. Diarrhea 4ever.

Stupid Sam Savell sold me his metal ddr pad for 50 bucks!!! (what a suckerr!!!!) Tried it out today, seems to work fine. First DDR game I played on it? DDR Party Collection for the PS2. its got 40 songs but whats funny is that its some 40 songs that really count,
so Im glad that Konami and I seem to have the same Idea of what constitutes as a "party", Im probably gonna Play DDR strike next, since Logan is really curious about what it is (I am too actually), but I personally kinda want to unlock all the characters in Party Collection.
Its pretty fucked up actually, the game has 60 characters to unlock, but the game only has 47 songs. lol. I hope I never get tired of NAOKI- BURNIN THE FLOOR and Brilliant2U!!

speaking of parties went to A-kon. Saw Kyandi, was graciously gifted a Nyancat shirt, and saw my Houston loves. I pulled a girl by her hair and made out with her. Hung out with Austin peeps. Chanted the the New Orleans Bounce Wal-mart song into the wee hours of the night. Saw a bleach tattoo on a girls boobies. put my face in said girl's boobies. Ate some pizza. Went to the crappy rave. Regretted not bringing a camera for fun cosplay appreciation. Snuck shots out of everyones rooms. Got high. Got Earrings from Nurse. Spoke japanese. Discussed Naruto Slash as loudly as possible. Was a Blacksmith. Watched Lesbeans.

Ive been complimented on my Japanese writing a few times now. Its kind of funny, because, individually, I like how I write each character- but when its time to put it all together I think it LOOKS LIKE SHIT. My handwriting is SHIT. Its what it does. be ugly. but I guess something about Japanese writing just works with how my hand moves? I dunno man, but Im glad I have nice handwriting in at least one language damn.

I read way too much Durarara!! fanfiction and now I want to drag you bitches down with me. If you have cable and you havent seen DRRR!! yet, LISTEN UP~! The dub premieres on Adult Swim tommorow night on the 25th, so you can get in on the ground floor on this madness. You dont have to like ShizuoxIzaya but you can now at least see where I am coming from u_u

have some compassion u guys

kiss me kiss me baby for the last time
hachiemon touch me
man real walls are closing in moment

So im doing my studies, Im seeing my tutors, I got some rad hand me down textbooks....and it hits bad do I really want this anyways?

Studying was a lot funner before I set up this expectation to go all out with another visa, now that Ive set a deadline the anxiety and shit is ridiculous. But whats tricky is that my goals are pretty damn attainable and what Ive ALWAYS wanted to do (go to an art training school in japan) but now that it seems so visceral, so real... I dont even know how bad I want it.

I flashback to being a student in Japan and just being like.... NEVER AGAIN! NOPE!HA! NOT ME! and its true... Unless Im undoubtedly making progress on my goals and dreams staying in Japan for the sake of it...its not that great. I swore I would never return unless its on MY terms, or im really fuckin baller and just being flossy all over the place. But from the beginning, I wanted to be in an Art School not language school (who wouldnt! Language schools are always the inbetween step) so maybe this would count as "my terms"

I see learning Japanese as a stepping stone to what I really want to do, not really the end goal. I really want to make comics. Do I need to learn japanese to make comics? no. But do I want to learn Japanese Techniques and get an intimate look at the industry? omg totally

Then the doubts start creeping in, like Im too old for applying for school shit, If i get in april 2011 i wont be out till im 27 oh god wtf do i really want to sign up for this shit. Its now or never at this age.

I have a girlfriend who signed up to go to a language school, shes been there a year now, and while thats rad and all Its so puzzling to me.... shes been married 5 years and just up and decided to leave her mortgage, hubby and dogs and go do this for no real reason. I think shes like, 28 too? IM NOT JUDGING but I found it to be bizarre...Her home life was super nice too!
Now that I have a comfy domestic routine with Logan and my cats, It makes me wonder...Do i really want to leave this for 2 years?
yeah I could leave it when I was 20, cause you know, I didnt have it, but now...I dont know. I have a good thing. Logan thinks I should go do it, I think i should too but I dont know if its anxiety or common sense talking me out of really considering these gargantuan life changes.

God damn Japan alone was just that emotionally exhausting. I remember being on the Narita express my last visit there, and just being like...."im over it. fuck this, fuck you inaka" going past all the rice fields and shit. and this was ARRIVING there. I was sure this wasnt for me anymore. ugh, Bad Romance indeed.

i think i got a dog drunk last weekend

do all dogs from Austin like drinking????

Looking for your eyes in the night

Thoughtful to the extreme, you are often obsessed with perfection and the rules governing your own personal interests. Your world is black and white. You love to work within a logical system, such as language, computer programming, or mathematics. Manipulating a system that can be completely understood is a distinct pleasure to you, because of your confidence in the underlying veracity of your belief system. Because of your appreciation for logic and order, those who speak or think in a sloppy manner are apt to generate more than their share of wrath. Although very amiable, you are not drawn to friendships out of a sense of personal need. You are just as happy by yourself with a good book or puzzle. Because you are so involved with thought, you will on occasion have difficulty dealing with the day-to-day problems of a normal life. Taking out the trash, doing the dishes, these are often left until the last possible moment, if at all.

shiiiiit this thing hits close to home. Everything is spot on. and you know, I never really thought of myself as a wrath-ful person... but when i think about it...there are a few people who have seen me with my claws out...and for the same reasons this assessment states. its freaky.
btw Im the only person I know who has gotten this resposnse too *spesulsnowflake*

I cant believe Im 24. It freaks me out, Im finally seeing the light again, last 2 years have been pretty rough in terms of personal health. Ive been talking to someone, and it was pretty crazy how quickly things began to change after that. Im supposedly plagued by own "brightness". I mean, Ill openly say Im not dumb, but I dont know if I like to say Im smart/bright/sharp. Its something Ive gotten a lot. I wonder if people bother to even say it because they are surprised and expect me to be dumb. Not just me.... any woman in my shoes I suppose. It makes me raise an eyebrow. or thats my brain overthinking it again.

But then again, I enjoy playing stupid. I dont even do it to really troll, but I think Im afraid that if I try to be engaging, I may be too aggressive, since Im a very opinionated person. I need to find a better medium between the two.

Saw Santana, Eric and tom a few weeks ago. I was pretty amped to be able to talk/hang with Santana again actually, but it was the first time in yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaars we have spent that much time around each other. I was excited, but I think I was also secretly trying to get my old friend back, back in the day he was like, my only emotional support system. I miss the good parts of that, but its no use really, i think the guy has alot of issues hes running from and hiding. He always did. Hes pretty impenetrable.

speaking of more blasts from the pats Hung out with Alex fuckin Chopp for a few hours, his dog and cat are pretty cute. It was really nice, Im glad hes really come into a more balanced version of himself. And more buff too oo-lala. But I ruined our diets with trashy Chinese buffet. Man seriously sometimes I just get in the mood for one of those. Houston has a ton of good chinese buffets in the metro area, but trying to find one here thats kind of over the top has been a real bust :(

Went to Norcal. again. dressed up like a prostitute to go to my friends birthday party. it was appropriate. I think i must go to norcal between every LJ entry.

I wish i could think of different journal titles than eurobeat songs. I wish i wasnt using this thing to procrastinate.

Small chance we may be moving to Seattle, I love the city so Im ready, but the chance is still pretty tiny. You know, I actually really like Texas. I dont really get a lot of my peers who think it sucks because they think its obtrusively conservative. I mean, it is pretty red, but I guess Ive always grown up in the middle of a bustling city, too much diversity and hustle to stop and really get worked up about politics or beliefs.
But...if you call for me Seattle, I will go.
Im ready. Im ready for a lifetime of being asked "where is your accent??" and having my "Y'all"s pointed out with glee and delight.

Logan's mom is trying to get us to go to hawaii because they have a timeshare. They'll pay for everything. They just want us to go. The offer has been on the table for a few years now, but we dont really care to make time for it. We would probably sit in the timeshare and play DS and refresh tumblr all day. maybe go out for curry like ONCE. fuck the sun. Im using a retinoid cream and a Rx of Hydroquinone so NOPE, NOT GONNA GET ME THIS TIME SUN. I CAAAANT.

However, I got all crafty and thought about Japan plane tickets, and thought... 'HMMMM what if I buy tickets from hawaii!!? mwahaha they are willing to fly my halfway there anyways ohohohoho' but then i looked at tickets from Hawaii to Narita and it was still some ridiculous clown bullshit price....well. A slightly better ridiculous clown bullshit price, I will admit that. What happened to us IACE travel, you used to be my number one.

I need to finish watching bakuman.

The best cartoon about ponies ever, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic ends tomorrow.

Fuck all the Joyo Kanji. all of them.

iiim proocraaastinaaatinnggg.

one look and you can kill my banner is your thrill
Tommorrow Perfume
hey how about another fuckin update

Logans family is so baller it makes no sense. About a month ago his dad was going on a routine business trip to Las Vegas, and so he asked him if he could pick up these gourmet marshmallows from this chocolate shop in Ceasar's palace, since he was going to be next door anyways.

the next week we get a fucking GROSS of the said gourmet marshmallows shipped to our door from France. Unbelievable. the man spent like 500 bucks or something for this? omg. If only this guy made business trips to Japan. Maybe he could order us a pallet of doujinshi. a PALLET. fuck it a WHOLE SHIPPING CONTAINER of dakimakura, porn and puddi. Throw in some Ranzuki mags so i dont look like a total loser.

Easter candy season. Im not wildin out as much as I thought I would be. maybe I need to wait for the after easter sales. Pastel Lifesavers are a definite yes right now though.

I need to start drawing from real anatomy again. Life drawing classes, something, anything. Its starting to bug me how stunted i feel when it comes to drawing the human figure, but I already use up a bunch of gas taking care of other crap, i dont want to add something else like life drawing with gas prices the way they are now.

i think its time for me to renew my car crap, which means im going to consider getting novelty plates...hmmm (BASARA? NARUGA? TEPIG?)

signed up for yoga classes. i think yoga is fucking stupid, but the groupon was too good. I like Pilates waaaay more. Maybe Ill change my mind after Im capable of rimming myself and find shangrila. who knows.

the Sengoku Basara OST holds up surprisingly well without the animation to go with it. I am loving the shakuhachi action.

blah update over in case you couldnt tell this was written out of desperation i am procrastinating so bad waah

What you do, what you do.....Baby's so bad!

I dont like my new LJ layout, who designs LJ layouts without a timestamp? fuckin WEIRD.

Im blasting some Whitney Houston. I fuckin love her.

Getting back in the swing of Japanese study, Kanji and vocab is still boring as shit. I love the "thrill" of picking apart what grammar goes where, but Kanji and vocab and listening is still boring.
Oh well, I want to have much better listening comprehension...ugh why cant Whitney Houston be singing in Japanese? 2 birds with one stone yall.

I think Ive come to peace with why I want to get back with study, and frankly, its so I can browse Pixiv and enjoy fandoms (fancy word for yaoi) . The internet is so ass to people who want to study japanese, mostly because its okay to call people weeaboos for everything underneath the god damn sun. Well fuck you. I have folder full of Durarara!! porn and I want to read it. And when Im done I want to read Rose of Versailles, because the anime was fucking amazing. And maybe Ill follow it up with reading some BeruBara porn, because I can.

honestly, everyone wants someone else to look down own. People in America trashing on other Americans who want to donate/pray to the Tsunami Relief fund? This is some full circle ourobouros shit. God the internet is fucking miserable. and if I have to see that stupid collage of the ignorant Pearl Harbor status updates one more time, as if they are anymore than a microscopic sample of idiots that dont deserve any more attention, Im gonna break one off.

Im starting to draw again, not much, but SAI is a magical program that has definitely given me new wiiinnggss~!

Got wisdom teeth taken out. Got hydrocodone. Found out I have high tolerance for Hydrocodone. no fun.

hahaha Im watching My Super sweet 16, and this chick has a Harajuku themed Sweet 16, and when they brought out her shiny new car at the end of course she freaked out, but then she said "Omg! My parents got me the Tokyo Drift car of my Dreams!!.....A Dodge Challenger!" hahahahahaa Realtalk I love white Dodge Challengers... but I still was all like (´・ω・`)

I want to read more books on Marie Antoinette, it seems theres a few though, so that wont be toooo tough...problem is Im not real big on french history in general, so something that mainly chronicles her life and the dynasties around it would be nice. Pictures of Rococco goodness would be rad too!

I want to read more books on the Sengoku Era as well, but I have no idea where to start on this one. Logan seems to, surprisingly, know a lot about that time period! But I dont think he remembers where he read a bunch of stuff. I want the GOOD books though, the ones that include the male concubines the shoguns had and shit. Apparently it was en vogue to have some warrior sex on the down-low back then.......word!


heres a picture I took while was in Ikebukuro~! Theres a kitty cafe thats sort of well known? I think its called Nekobukuro. I like to visit Ikebukuro when Im there, its a nice place. The cats at this cafe are totally jaded and lazy though! But this one fuckin HATED shiro-tan. He kneaded and bit on him for quite a while. It was hella cute. Even if he had a score to settle.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose
Well I went in on a deal which means Im going to Ohio...blech. I dont know how I feel about it. I guess Im not looking foward to being in a car that long, but its no biggie. Im just bein a baby cause I just got done with a big ass Japan Trip...Good news is that I may not have to drive? eee!

When I sit down to write in this thing, I have trouble coming up with stuff. I think its because I honestly dont have much going on... Even though I never really write about my day or things I do.

I know I manage to ramble about SOMETHING though and the increasing difficulty of writing my same old fun crap is making me feel uneasy. I may be used to not writing about what I do, but not doing much also effects my mind as well and Im starting to notice. My brain is getting Stagnant.

Thanks ONTD, Facebook, Fandom Secrets and Chinasmack. I need to step away from LJ communities for christsakes...Ive noticed they are complete wastelands even if they get traffic like crazy.

although Fandom Secrets makes me feel kind of happy inside, I find it inspiring. I think its pretty cool to have a massive community of writers constantly critiquing and creating, even though I totally lack the patience to be a Fanfiction Writer. I would love to work with a talented writer to make a good fancomic one day though, i think it would be pretty rad.

I miss being 16 and hunched over my wacom tablet into the wee hours of the night~

I have a room with everything I need, an easel, a bunch of blank canvasses, Drawing Desk, Computer, Tablet, Scanner, even a Knitting Machine.. the only thing that is missing is a spark. I dont even know where its at.

Im pretty terrified of making art now, I took such a long break to just be everything but that reclusive internet girl...I love drawing and stuff, but I think Im constantly embarrassed I havent filled up tons of sketchbooks over the years....Like maybe Im in over my head by doing something I like?

How do I find that 16 year old self to go crazy and just create? It feels like Im always being pressed to be something else.. I feel like butt. It feels wrong to be like, "Go away world let me be a fangirl who loiters on Deviantart way too much with occasional Furry art mwahaha" but whatever If it meant being excited about drawing again I dont really care.

also misshatter , I hope you made it back safely in your move home!

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